I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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