I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
