Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
