would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize