Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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