Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
