she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
