Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
