So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
