"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
