Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
