what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
