so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
