So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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