You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
