So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
