You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
