if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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