I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
why do cheetos always look like penises
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
