That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
