Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
