i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
