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Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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