I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
