butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
