Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm going to jail i love you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
