Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
