Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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