I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
