Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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