he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
