Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
