I wish I could teleport
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
