kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
