found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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