Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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