so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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