My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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