question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
