so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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