You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
