Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
