Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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