I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
