I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
