My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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