the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
