That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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