Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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