my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
