you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
