at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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