this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
